1) This is Jaclyn’s essay draft
The Issues That Are Faced with Cerebral Palsy
Cerebral Palsy is a condition in which the bodyâ€™s coordination, movement, and muscles do not function properly. Cerebral Palsy results from trauma to the fetus during birth or immediately after birth. Occasionally, trauma to a toddlerâ€™s brain can cause Cerebral Palsy. Lack of oxygen and/or blood supply are a few examples in which Cerebral Palsy will be the result. Many people who have this condition are wheelchair bound for life. Some people can walk if they have assistive devices to help them ambulate. Itâ€™s very rare to see a person with Cerebral Palsy walking, but with physical therapy, walking can be achieved.
Often, people with Cerebral Palsy donâ€™t receive the proper healthcare they deserve. In an article by Columbia Medicine Magazine, a woman spoke out about her experience as an adult with Cerebral Palsy. She talked about how because Cerebral Palsy is a pediatric disorder, physicians donâ€™t understand how to care for the patients when they are older. The womanâ€™s name is Shoshana Kohr. When she was almost thirty, she started to experience hip pain. Doctors werenâ€™t willing to help her. She stated in the article, â€œIt was frustrating. You come in with a problem and expect to find a doctor to either help you or refer you to someone who can help.â€ (Columbia Medicine) The article continues to talk about how Kohr found the Cerebral Palsy Center at Columbia where she was finally able to have a doctor who cared about her needs. I canâ€™t believe that physicians didnâ€™t know how to care for Kohr because of her disability. Cerebral Palsy is a very common disability. I was astonished to read that educated doctors didnâ€™t know how to approach her situation. I figured that every family doctor would know about different disabilities. I am glad that Kohr finally got the treatment she needed. Kohr is an inspiration because she doesnâ€™t let her disability get in the way of anything. She is a teacher and is able to walk.
I found another article from Columbia Weinberg Family Cerebral Palsy Center. The center is perfect for all Cerebral Palsy patients. Many Cerebral Palsy patients who just go to their primary care doctor do not receive the proper care it takes for this disability. These patients need doctors who specialize in all different issues that are related to Cerebral Palsy.
Cmm_admin. (2013, May 10). For Forgotten Adults with Cerebral Palsy, a Center of Their Own. Columbia Medicine Magazine. http://columbiamedicinemagazine.org/clinical-advances/spring-2013/forgotten-adults-cerebral-palsy-center-their-own.
Columbia. (2021, May 17). Transitional Age and Adult Care. Weinberg Family Cerebral Palsy Center. https://www.weinberg.cuimc.columbia.edu/patient-care/our-services/transitional-age-and-adult-care.
Mudge, S., Rosie, J., Stott, S., Taylor, D., Signal, N., & McPherson, K. (2016, October 13). Ageing with cerebral palsy; what are the health experiences of adults with cerebral palsy? A qualitative study. BMJ open. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5073482/.
Patel, D. R., Neelakantan, M., Pandher, K., & Merrick, J. (2020, February). Cerebral palsy in children: A clinical overview. Translational pediatrics. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7082248/.
World Health Organization. (2020, December 1). Disability and health. World Health Organization. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/disability-and-health.
Special Books by Special Kids. (2019). Might Miss Maya (Living with Cerebral Palsy). YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCRIdR7HG1w.
2) This is the instructions to do the peer review. Please read jaclyn essay draft and follow the instructions to complete the peer review.
INSTRUCTIONS: The purpose of peer review is not to heap praise or criticism on a writer. Instead, peer review helps guide writers to find their paperâ€™s full potential. Good answers to peer review questions do not just say yes/no, â€œitâ€™s goodâ€ or â€œitâ€™s bad;â€ they provide specific details to help the writer know what theyâ€™re doing well and where their skills arenâ€™t quite showing through yet. Keep in mind that this is a short draft, so the writer may have only started some of the following tasks; in that case, your job will be to recognize whether or not the writer has begun these tasks.
As you read the essay you are assigned, use the following questions to help the writer develop their next draft. Copy and paste these questions into a reply to their essay and fill it in with your answers.
What problem with regard to disability does the essay explore? Is this clear by the end of the introduction, or do you have to read further into the essay to figure it out?
What argument does the essay propose with regard to this problem? Is this clear by the end of the introduction, or do you have to read further into the essay to figure it out?
What ideas or evidence does the essay present to support its argument? Summarize them.
Does the essay reflect a social approach to disability? If so, how?
Does the essay avoid approaching disability as something to be pitied or, conversely, something inspirational? If not, identify where the essay ventures into these treatments of disability.
Does the essay make any problematic assumptions or generalizations? For instance, do you see any instances of â€œMost peopleâ€¦â€ â€œ[X] has increasedâ€ and the like that donâ€™t cite a source proving that claim? Similarly, do you see any mistakes or information that is, to your knowledge inaccurate?
Does the essay support its claims with sources? Do you see any claims that need a source to be academically appropriate?
Does the essay demonstrate a good understanding of the sourced information? In other words, does the author explain why this sourced information is important, what it means, what it tells us about the topic, etc., or do they leave it to the reader to interpret that information?
Ultimately, does the essay draft present a clear, logical argument? (Remember, you are not being asked if you agree or disagree with the answer/argument, only if the writer has supported it well.) Explain your answer.
Is the essayâ€™s organizational structure effective? Does it flow smoothly or does information appear to be placed at random? Does the discussion progress well or is information needlessly repeated? Do you feel that the author gives you the right information in the right order, or are there points of the essay where you feel confused? Instead of writing yes/no to these questions, write a complete paragraph describing what the essay does or does not do in response to these questions.
Evaluate the authorâ€™s writing style. Is it clear? Engaging? Creative? If so, what makes it that way? If not, what might the author do in their next revision?
Does the draft contain noticeable sentence errors that can make their writing less clear? (If the author has creatively used fragments, say so here but clarify that these do not appear to be errors.)
Are there noticeable typos or other errors that make the essay hard to understand at times? If so, provide an example or two.
Does the draft include in-text citations in APA style? If not, what can the writer do to improve their documentation of their sources?
Does the draft include full references in APA style at the end? If not, what can the writer do to improve their documentation of their sources?
Are all sources represented in the essay through in-text citations also cited fully in the references at the end of the essay?
Are all the sources in the references at the end of the essay clearly represented in the in-text citations?
Identify the paperâ€™s strongest points and explain why they are strong:
Identify any points in need of most improvement and explain why they need improving:
Write a short note to the author that reflects your thoughts on the whole paper.
NB: Please read jaclyn essay draft and follow the instructions to complete the peer review.